Conversations With My Mother

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Most girls are pretty close with their moms
You grow up and your mom braids your hair
and paints your toenails
and you probably talk about boys
Well my mom and I weren't close until I was older
So our talks aren't really like that.

It's one thing when she tries to talk about my step dad naked (gross)
Or give me her old lingerie amongst the clothes she's getting rid of
But her latest story took the cake

It was a normal conversation in the beginning
And then everything changed

Mom: Guess what I did today?

Me: I don't know what?

Mom: Well, you know how I went to that passion party a few weekends ago?

(Passion party = nice way to say sex toy party. It was my step sister's party. I think that makes this whole situation worse)

Me: Yeah...

Mom: Well I came home from our weekend together and the package from the party was here. 

Me: Okay... good?

Mom: Well it was open and there was nothing inside

Me: Did Gary open it?!?!?!

(Gary is my step dad)

Mom: no I asked him and he said he didn't open it.

Me: So who did?

Mom: I don't know. I went to the post office.

Me: So you had to tell them what was stolen?

Mom: Yeah. So then I was at Lucille's house and I saw the post master drive by and so I had to chase after her.

Me: Why?

Mom: They told me that she could track the package.

Me: Did they?

Mom: No. But now everyone in Cove City knows Kathryn Amerson has a big pink dildo.

The end


And this is the story of my life. 
Are you as uncomfortable as I am?
I needed to spread it around.

Hope everyone's having a great Tuesday!

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