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This week's question is

Over the years, what did you learn you needed in a significant other?  

What did you learn about yourself?

Dear Former Single Self,

Because there was a time that you never wanted to get married you never really thought about what you needed. Among others, you dated some one who was obsessed with sports, some one who was obsessed with cheating on you, a friend that should have stayed that way, a guy that the only thing you really liked was that you thought he was pretty, and also the guy who turned out to be the one. Although you didn't know it at the time, every one of those guys taught you a lesson about what you needed in a significant other. 

The boy who was obsessed with sports taught you that you needed some one who would put you first. The boy who cheated on you taught you to stand up for yourself and taught you that you needed some one who respects you. (Your favorite memory of that relationship is him crying on his knees in your driveway- aka the last time you ever saw him). The relationship wasn't all bad. You laughed and you were able to be goofy. You found out that was something else you required. You needed to laugh and have fun, without all the other women stuff. The guy that should have stayed your friend taught you that just because you have something in common with some one, doesn't make them a good match. You learned you needed passion and romance. Sometimes you even need to be a little different so you can grow as a person- in a good way. The boy you dated that was pretty taught you that looks aren't everything. Being physically attracted to some one is necessary in a significant other but there has to be compatibility. 

One of our first pictures together. Before we were together.

So when you finally realize you like that boy that you watch basketball with you can think back to all the lessons you learned and realize he has everything you want in a significant other. Of course you're attracted to him, with his beautiful eyes and blonde hair and you discover you're into shoulders. Weird, right? But you also discover you laugh, a lot. You can be goofy. You talk to each other in Russian accents. The romance was there from the beginning even if you didn't realize it at first. I mean really, he gave you a back massage. Yeah you're right, just friends. Silly girl. Those heart shaped cookies and all the dinners he cooked for you were super sweet. You are uptight and borderline OCD but being with some one so carefree made you more carefree. Your differences made you better people. He respects you and doesn't hold any of your mistakes against you. Perfect, right?

But what really mattered the most is what you learned about yourself. You learned that you deserve to be happy. You learned that what people do to you isn't always a reflection of you. You learned that it's okay to be yourself- you should be yourself- so that when the person you like likes you back you know without a doubt that they like you, for you. The most important thing you probably learned to accept was that mistakes aren't always bad. They teach you lessons. They make you a better person. And they are what helps you learn about yourself so that you can be ready when the one comes along.

Love, Your Future Happy Almost Married Self